英文小品剧本

初一就能演英文剧本，牛的很。赵本山重大转型，从无聊忽悠到关注职场骗局!长安县令原创小品《招聘骗局》 ，帮你识破形形**招聘骗局！直面2010严峻就业形势，讽刺企业招聘中的欺骗现状！本山大叔摆脱农民形象，马老板重装上阵；范伟化身职场精英，被忽悠防不胜防。boss table, large posters, screen background ** south china tiger photos, wrote: ma mei bai specialized only for women. do you h**e "ambitions" do? you want to be "master" do? you want to be "bosses" do? markov international ** your life, toward the peak of the "platform", "space" and "south"! join an internationally renowned beauty technology group, planning, design a number of demanding full-time undergraduate degree or above. here are two medals, "extreme beauty awards."cai: ma dong, bad, and our ma mei bai has been investigated as a non-conforming products for trade and industry, are online publicity it.ma: what stuff? mo ji mo panic. there ** ah, what ma dong dong ma said that the number of times, and in front of ** called chairman of the board in the office called uncle! do not know if it thought that the toilet has leaks.cai: uncle, that we supposed to do?ma: a change in name, redesigned look at packaging, immediately the new year, and put forward a promotional han's. (see advert**ing paintings) on a whim called tiger whitening!cai: gnaw promotions do?ma: do you recruit people?cai: afternoon interview, and in 500 did.ma: that g**e him a few white, let him write the planning program, more than 3,000 words.(fan on)fan: now wo**ng hard to find, some time ago on the internet made more than 180 copies of resumes, only received eight telephone interviews, three of which still h**e not been invited, are claimed to be an international financial group, credit cards, selling insurance, illegal speculation of foreign exchange. recently it, simply a no, i h**e thought that mobile phones are bad, and played a few their numbers. the economic cr**** came, liar and a thief team has also expanded. h**e to beware of those who get money through recruitment, and those who do not collect money, nothing. package good, the money catch on, mobile phones do not give people took to run!(sms tone) thank you for your candidates ma international group advert**ing business planning positions, please today at 2 pm to the international building, 18th floor, interview.fan: it sent the ** was quite timely oh, yesterday came to the phone.cai: hello, ma international.fan: hello, i come to interview.cai: yes, so we h**e taken a test of what you do first. answered the post, there are media that we, chairman of the article, you must carefully read. then we will personally interview, chairman.(after reading a thick news** clippings)cai: read it? your way, please.ma: i saw your program really did not expect.fan: did not expect? did not think it ** good or bad ah?ma: i mean, all you see, i still boss?ma: i would first introduce the next company ** doing. markov group's headquarters in los angeles, 98 years, entered china in 2002 set up markov future laboratory inc., dedicated to life sciences, genetic engineering and health and beauty research. our strategy ** to use 3-5 years in the united states, japan, the establ**hment of five branches, with 3-5 years in china has establ**hed 15 branch offices, 88 core franch**ee, in order to provide professional services to customers worldwide. in such a rapid development process, people are our greatest desire, i still believe that the most valuable one minute ** to invest in employees for one minute. buffett said that life ** like a snowball, it ** important to find a long slope. i believe the success of markov international ** your way of young people up to the slope.fan: climbing ah.ma: what are your strengths?fan: planning.ma: that 4 trillion know? 4 behind so many zero, give us the planning of several zero?fan: that ** a country of large projects, it ** estimated not work.ma: markov international th** year's sales will exceed eight million, our goal ** five years into the world 500 strong! i, as a business leader to enter sri lanka then what l**t, for several years then what you went into a l**t of sri lanka.fan: forbes?ma: with regard to that sri lanka. l**ted companies h**e entered the countdown! what the united states that spartak, th** ** our l**ting of 2000 days countdown celebration photos.fan: nasdaq?ma: yes, to enter the nasdaq.fan: you, and so, 2000 ** the day i calculate how many years?ma: say nothing of calculations, we h**e to let people know that the earth international to be l**ted on the mahalanob**, (come up with a broken gong) of view, opening to beat a gong h**e prepared better.(brought gong to see) fan: a bit familiar? shuahou it?(program for choy) ma: give candidates the design, let him make a design ** **sued in accordance with the planning program and said that he was thinking of the wrong study. ** a mule ** a horse, pull out of liu liu.ma: test to your observation capability. if ah, if you h**e huge amount of wealth can not be explained clearly, how can you say?fan: there are han, real estate speculators in chanting.ma: re-test to your ability to judge. you take the elevator up on the first floor to 10 floor elevators on each floor in front of all stood a diamond, diamond sizes. every floor elevator door will open once, can only take one diamond, and asked how to get the biggest sinking?fan: himself feel in great hurry to take on the bar, in case the lift out of malfunction? case of power failure it?ma: do you interview to answer questions ah must pause 2 seconds, make sure to understand what i mean.cai: your last question both han mean?ma: me**ha mean, i let him sleepwalk back.ma: are you so what questions to ask?fan: what ** the company's annual le**e?ma: annual le**e? chinese new year holiday ah?当然.choi: he said that the paid le**e.ma: paid? does not work? i h**e never received such a le**e for employees. in our city, saturday to go to work do not you know?fan: what contract ** signed it?ma: one year a sign, the probationary period for six months.fan: the law provides that one-year contract, a probationary period can not exceed 2 months.cai: the new labor law, three-year contract before the trial period of 6 months.ma: that sign three years, signed a decade ** no problem for six months probationary period.cai: at least a decade after the sign ** without a fixed term contract of the.ma: ah? there are no fixed time limit? what sort of legal.ma: then three years, in the first year of nearly let him feel boring when you le**e.cai: if still find it interesting that he does?ma: he also felt that if interesting, then i think you senseless.horse: your imagination zeyang?fan: last night made a strange dream: kuaiguo nian, i asked people to behead cattle, the results of killing fin**hed, slaughtering of meat, let me take a few le**e; i refused and took a lot of meat, but also sit there and eat several d**hes of beef hot pot, finally left a number, give him.ma: i may be the slaughtering of. your salary requirements?fan: 3000 or more.ma: we do th** position, annual salary of thousands, certainly more than 4000 of the monthly d**count. well, today, the first so that you do not what matter, and go back and l**ten. kuaiguo nian, and easy to find work, spending ** also un**oidable. any money through recruitment of be careful ah. what kaijulaijie you, let ass**tant to pick you up, let the interview with a laptop computer, cell phone money and goods should be carefully robbed cheated.fan: thank you for reminding me.再见.(fan below) (shen above)shen: chairman, th** treatment and did you say zebu the same?ma: zebu the same?shen: at that time i asked you whether the salaries paid on time, you say "of course." i asked you if attendance ** very strict, you say "th** look at the situation, and sometimes can also be flexible."ma: are you sure remember correctly, you asked me whether attendance ** very strict, and i said of course. you asked me whether the salaries paid on time, i would say that th** look at the situation, and sometimes can also be flexible.shen: i asked you if a car paste, rice paste ** a meal allowance, tr**el allowance, you say, "why, yes, definitely are higher than their peers!" i h**e heard that the company ask you to work overtime more you answer "no possible, who told you? "ma: are you sure they h**e m**-remembered. you asked whether the company i work overtime, i told you, "why, yes, definitely are higher than their peers!" you asked me if there are meal subsidies, transportation subsidies, my answer ** "no, who told you?"(sink in)(phone rings)cai: uncle, the property that do not pay rent and utilities, then they wind up, moving chairs and tables. we supposed to?ma: we supposed to? pick up things, th** place has to live tired of the table to give them better. the afternoon to move.tsai: in case some people question?ma: say condolences go to homes for the aged pensioners living alone, warmth, a little bedding, fruit han's.cai: property we supposed to do after finding 咱?ma: rest assured. i signed the contract ** the horse master! ** not a ma dashuai! that beat the tiger with the farmers to learn.ma: br**k walking.老板桌旁大幅宣传画，画面背景是华南虎照，上写：马氏美白素 专业只为女人。你有“野心”吗？您想当“主人”吗？您想当“老板”吗？马氏国际就是您走向人生顶峰的“**”、“空间”、“江南”！国际著名美容科技集团诚聘策划、设计若干名，要求全日制本科以上学历。下面是两块奖牌，“至尊美容大奖”。蔡：马董，不好了，我们的马氏美白素被工商查处为不合格产品，正在网上公示呢。马：什么玩意？莫急莫慌。还有啊，什么马董马董，说了多少遍了，在人面前叫董事长，在办公室就叫大舅！不知道还以为马桶又漏水呢。蔡：大舅，那咋办呢？马：换个名字，重新设计一下包装，马上过年了，搞个促销啥的。（看广告宣传画）就改叫虎牌美白精华素！蔡：咋促销呢？马：你招的人呢？蔡：下午有面试的，在500强做过。马：那给他几张白纸，让他写个策划方案，3000字以上。（范上）范：如今工作太难找，前段时间在网上发简历180多份，只接到8个面试电话，其中三个还是不请自来，都号称是国际金融集团，发**，卖保险，非法炒外汇的。最近呢，干脆一个没有，我都以为手机坏了，每天打几下自己的号。经济危机来了，骗子和贼的队伍也扩大了。还得提防那些借着招聘骗钱的，凡是收钱的一概不去。包看好，钱抓牢，手机不要随便给人拿了跑！（手机短信铃声）感谢您应聘马氏企业国际集团广告策划职位，请今日下午2点到国际大厦18楼面试。范：这短信发得蛮及时哦，昨天来过电话的。蔡：你好，马氏国际。范：你好，我是来面试的。蔡：是这样，我们有份考题，您先做一下。答完后，这里有媒体采访我们董事长的文章，您要仔细看完。然后我们董事长会亲自面试。（看完厚厚剪报）蔡：看完了吗？您这边请。马：你的方案我看了，确实没想到。范：没想到？没想到是好还是差啊？马：我的意思都让你明白了，我还是老板吗？马：我先介绍下公司情况。马氏集团总部在美国洛杉矶，98年进入**，02年成立马氏未来实验室公司，致力于生命科学、基因工程和健康美容研究。我们的战略是用3-5年在美国、日本建立5个分公司，用3-5年在**建立15个分公司，88家核心加盟商，为全球用户提供专业服务。在这样的快速发展过程中，人才是我们最大的渴望，我始终认为，最有价值的一分钟是投资于员工的一分钟。巴菲特说，人生就像滚雪球，重要的是找到很长的坡。相信马氏国际就是你们年轻人成功路上最长的坡。范：爬坡啊。马：你有什么强项？范：策划。马：那4万亿知道吗？4后面那么多的零，能给我们策划几个零？范：那都是**大项目，估计不行。马：马氏国际今年的销售将突破8个亿，我们的目标是5年内进入世界五百强！我作为企业领头人，进入那什么斯排行榜，好多年没进那什么斯排行榜了。范：福布斯？马：就那斯。公司已经进入上市倒计时！到美国那什么**克，这是我们上市倒计时2000天庆祝会的照片。范：纳斯达克？马：对，进军纳斯达克。范：您等等，2000天我算算是多少年？马：甭算了，我们要让地球人都知道马氏国际要上市了，（拿出一个破锣）看，开市敲的锣都备好了。（拿来锣看）范：有点面熟？耍猴的？（方案给蔡）马：给应聘设计的，让他按照策划方案做出设计稿，就说考察他的思路对不对。是骡子是马，拉出来遛遛。马：考考你的观察能力。假如啊，假如，你有**无法解释清楚时，你怎么说？范：还有啥，炒房的呗。马：再考考你判断能力。你乘坐电梯上来，一楼到十楼的每层电梯门口都放着一颗钻石，钻石大小不一。每层楼电梯门都会打开一次，只能拿一次钻石，问怎样才能拿到最大的那颗？范：自己觉着大就赶紧拿吧，万一电梯出故障呢？万一停电呢？马：你面试回答问题啊一定要停顿2秒，确信明白了我的意思。蔡：你最后俩问题啥意思？马：没啥意思，我是让他稀里糊涂地回去。马：你有啥问题要问？范：公司年假是怎样的？马：年假？过年放假啊？当然。蔡：他说的是带薪年假。马：带薪？不上班？我还从没接到员工这样的休假申请。在我们全市，周六上班难道你不知道吗？范：合同是怎样签的呢？马：一年一签，试用期半年。范：法律规定，一年合同的话，试用期不能超过2个月。蔡：新劳动法，三年合同的试用期才能为6个月。马：那签三年，签十年都没问题，试用期半年。蔡：签十年满之后就是无固定期限合同了。马：啊？还有无固定期限？这是哪门子法律。马：那就三年，在第一年快满时让他自己觉得没意思走人。蔡：他要是还觉得有意思呢？马：他要是还觉得有意思，那我就觉得你没意思了。马：你的想象力咋样？范：昨晚做了一个奇怪的梦：快过年了，我请人杀头牛，结果杀完后，宰牛的让我拿几块肉走人；我不肯，拿了很多的肉，还坐在那吃了几盘牛肉火锅，最后还剩一些，就给他了。马：我可能就是宰牛的。你的工资要求？范：三千以上。马：我们这个职位呢，年薪十万，折算月薪肯定超过四千了。那今天就先这样，没你啥事了，回去听信。快过年了，工作不好找，花销还少不了。凡是借着招聘收钱的要当心啊。什么开车来接你的，让助手来接你的，让带手提电脑面试的，都要小心手机钱物被抢被骗。范：谢谢您的提醒。再见。（范下）（沈上）沈：董事长，这个待遇和当初您说的咋不一样呢？马：咋不一样？沈：当时我问您工资是否按时发放，您说“那当然”。我问您是否考勤很严格，您说“这个看情况，有时也可以灵活”。马：你肯定记错了，你问我考勤是否很严格，我说那当然。你问我工资是否按时发放，我说这个看情况，有时也可以灵活。沈：我问您是否有车贴、饭贴就是餐费补贴、交通补贴，您回答说“那还用说，绝对比同行都高！”我问您听说公司加班多，您回答说“不可能，谁告诉你的？”马：你肯定又记错了。你问我公司是否加班，我告诉你“那还用说，绝对比同行都高！”你问我是否有餐费补贴、交通补贴，我的回答是“不可能，谁告诉你的？”（沈下）（电话响）蔡：大舅，物业说再不交房租和水电费的话，他们就拉闸、搬桌子。咋办？马：咋办？收拾东西，这地方也住腻了，桌子给他们好了。下午就搬。蔡：万一有人问呢？马：就说去敬老院慰问孤寡老人，送温暖，带点被褥、水果啥的。蔡：物业以后找到咱咋办呢？马：放心。我在合同上签的是马**！不是马大帅！跟那个拍老虎的农民学的。马：快走。 20210311